Show me the money

it is the weekend of the payday, but i ain't going anywhere, why? because the pay cheque has not cleared yet. this is and absolute pain in the ass, my company, which i shall not name, has the habit of giving you your pay cheque, AFTER the banks close for the day, meaning that, if i get my cheque on thursday (which i did at about 4:30pm), i ain't gonna get no moolah till FUCKING MONDAY. Which simply translates to self imposed grounding.
at every friday's staff meeting the sales team would cite new clients, new contracts, all that blah blah about exceeding the sales target, and all of us would clap our hands like a bunch of retards, what an utter load of humbug! so what if we hit the sales target? if it ain't gonna to translate to tangible benefits (read: $$$), then its got nothing to do with me.
sigh...

Template Incomplete

Nay, it ain't gonna end yet, still need time to finish layout as well. Currently been busy with work, office migrating from quark xpress to indesign as the core DTP prog. Lots of shite to clear. need more time! :(

Why.... I love you, that's why.

I was not afraid
of anything in this world
there is nothing you can throw at me
that i haven't already heard

but why are my hands
trembling as i type
and my tears should fall
with those words you say

i am scared
of losing you
of not having you in my life
your smile that brightens my day

i am frightened
of losing you
of losing the light in my life
shining on my dark existence

i am fearful
of losing you
and the thought of you in someone else's arms
just makes me lose my mind

i have never been afraid
of losing anyone
simply because
i've never loved anyone
as much as i did with you

For the First Time - Kenny Loggins

Are those your eyes?
Is that your smile?
I've been looking at you for ever,
But I never saw you before.
Are these your hands? Holding mine?
Now I wonder how I could have been so blind.
And for the first time, I am looking in your eyes.
For the first time, I'm seeing who you are.
I can't believe how much I see,
When you're looking back at me.
Now I understand what love is,
Love is...
For the first time...

Can this be real?
Can this be true?
Am I the person I was this morning?
And are you the same you?
It's all so strange.
How can it be?
All along this love was right in front of me!
And for the first time, I am looking in your eyes.
For the first time, I am seeing who you are.
I can't believe how much I see,
When you're looking back at me.
Now I understand what love is...
Love is...
For the first time.

Such a long time ago,
I had given up on finding this emotion,
Ever again.
But you're here with me now,
Yes I found you somehow,
And I've never been so sure.
And for the first time, I am looking in your eyes,
For the first time, I'm seeing who you are,
Can't believe how much I see,
When you're looking back at me.
Now I understand what love is...
Love is...
For the first time.

dedicated to the one and only true love of my life - Shelly

Pandora Box

it was a diary that i had forgotten about, its existence that has ceased. it was returned to me, and its return has brought dire consequences. much of my past, revealed, unfurled, the reminders, and now you've seen it, and hated me for it. you doubt my love for you, because you do not get mentioned in my diaries. my love, please consider the circumstances i was in when i met you, i was not prepared for anything, i had just denounced the world, planning to just trod along. your appearance was unexpected, my falling for you even more so. i was in the midst of shedding skin, in transition, and i have not been writing for a period of time, and writing takes practice. simply put, the circumstances we met were just entirely different from what i had in the past, and i was in a totally different sate of mind.

i am at loss for words... for like you, no one has hurt me like you ever will, no one has ever thrown me into a frenzy like you did, just because i did not record it doesn't mean it doesn't matter. i am slow, i admit, and i have missed much of it, but do you know how much i treasure our time together? i love you, i really do.

My love, my darling, I love you so

Shelly did something entirely out of the blue today, and i must say i am pleasantly surprised, and throughly touched by her act. I am at a loss for words, her act, that just threw me off my rails, just swing by her site and you will know what i mean.

Thank you my love,
for putting up with me
my mistakes and my folly

Thank you my love,
for not giving up on me
when i have given up myself

Thank you my love,
for being there for me
when i needed you most

Thank you my love,
for allowing me to love you
to bask in your affection

For it is you who awakens
the dead old me
to breathe, to be alive
to be in love with you

new template in progress

a new template is in order, and i don't even know why i bother, except for the fact that i am getting quite bored with my current one. but don't expect miracles though, 3 years of education have sort of established my interest (or rather the lack of it) in web design, couple that with the disability to design it nicely makes it a chore, but heck, its gotta start somewhere right. i am a strong advocator of functionalism (could be simply because i cannot design??), so don't expect flashes and bangs, but we'll see where we go from here.

(LEGAL NOTICE: warranty not included, the author does not, and simply refuse to promise anything. the author shall not be held responsible for any emotional distress, disappointment or time wasted by readers clicking on refresh should the project fail to come through)