yet another one of those days... intermission was granted from the barrage of fuck-ups on friday, and now it returns, but not in the form of external factors, rather a feeling of dread that grows from within myself. i am seriously considering having yet another meeting with my manager, i cannot concentrate on my work, too many mistakes abound, and i fear i would only create more. professionalism not only means that you perform you duties as laid out in your contract, it also means that you know when you have overstayed your welcome.
i know i have tendered my resignation, and it is only 3 more weeks before i leave, but i think i would like to be discharged of my duties earlier. they need to start looking for my replacement soonish, given their bad habits of hiring late, at the rate they are going they will be pretty much screwed, given that i am sharing the load of the new staff in additional to mine. I dare not say that i am indispensable, but it is undeniably true that even with me around we are still understaffed. either way, that is really none of my concern, an earlier discharged would be greatly appreciated, however whether my request be granted or not come 17th of june i shall bade my company farewell and never look back.
yes i do admit that i would need the money, but in consideration of my current situation, i'd choose to be by the side of Shelly for a longer period of time before i start my new job. a week is way too short. given the current upheavals, we need more time together, she needs me to be around. i feel the lack as well, and i too wanna spend more time with her through this period. many tasks remain undone, like the preparation of my room in paya lebar and the hunt for a new flat for the both of us. a longer break would also render my state of mind to be more refreshed and better prepared for the new job. i need to start with a clean slate, my current job has killed my creativity, hopefully the new environment would provide better opportunities.
i miss her, i miss her so much. when she called my this morning at work i felt better already. i just hope for the day to pass smoothly, that i can have time to talk to her a little more, to hear her voice, or even just holding the phone knowing that she is on the other line. i am not a person of much words, nor affection i know, but darling know that i do love you very much, and that every time something goes wrong would render me incapacitated, i cannot perform even the simplest of all task. i would just find myself clicking furiously on the screen and yet accomplishing nothing. my entire state of mind rest is swayed by you, me, the scum of the earth undeserving of your love and at the same time a leech, hungry , desperate for your affection.
this is me, bare, naked, vulnerable, thoroughly exposed, that sometimes i'd cower and hide, for with love cometh fear, but here i stand, before you, fearful and yet hoping, that our love may grow.
I Love You.
