its been a month

a month has pass
of ups and downs
fights and makeups
fall outs and make outs
of mistakes and forgiveness
add some
take away some
of daily routines
of our own insecurities
pride and ego
of compromises
of parental pressure
funky food, more miss than hits
of growing, and understanding
of touching... so ever gentle
a caress, a gentle word
a warmth felt
only with you my love

if i ever could
i would
renew my vows
to you
the promise to you
that i'll never leave you
a mistake once committed
that has scarred
all that that has happened
has strengthen my resolve
to stand by you
to love you
and i thank you
for forgiving me
all the stupid things i've done
love you, now and forever
i will be your man

Missing

its 1550hrs
and i'm here
in the office
waiting
bidding my time
for 1730hrs
not long to go
but it seems so slow
i get restless
agitated
anxious
i wanna go home
right now
have her in my embrace
to hug her
and kiss her
and shower her with gifts
and tell her
i am missing her
i cannot get my mind off her
i wanna be with her
right now
right here
missing her

short fuse

bad day at work, things just not quite the way they should be
fucking broke, and the check has not been cleared
short tempered
wanted to go home fast, back to her, hug her, tell her i love her
but made her angry again
sigh... why is it that all i turns out wrong
stupidity i guess
who would have bought dinner for someone asleep
and not wake them up...me
think nash, get that fucking head working
its been sleeping for the past 26 years
time to stop sleeping and start living
i dun want to upset her anymore
i am sick up myself...fucking it up all the time
she had a tough day and hardly any sleep the nite before
who in the right would raise their voice at someone sick...me

i am sorry, but this word seemed over used, and i hadn't the actions to prove it,
and seems useless now...

please forgive me

i cannot cry

not because i dun wanna to
but because of a fucking curse
that dry my eyes
i wish i could breakdown and cry
but i can't
years and years of self inflicted torment
the torment that make you attracted to me
i yearn for a utter total breakdown
i am tired
i wanna just collapse
collapse and and breakdown and cry
perhaps even die
i have wept
yes i have before
but so rare
so rare that it barely surpasses
the number of finger on one hand

i hate my laptop
the mouse cursor hopes around
on its own accord
fucks up my already fucked up typing

i love her i do
and i just wanna love her even more
but i just keep fucking up
making her sad

i wanna cry
when you are sad
even when your tears are not for me
cause it breaks my heart
to see your tear fall

broken
is how i feel tonite
fuck i love alchohol
guess thats how i feel
drugs that fucking amplfies
a million times
the pain the torment
bring it on
let it fall
let the monkeys back it
the hauntings
let them come.

tonite sunday morn i shall fucking waste myself