i cannot cry

not because i dun wanna to
but because of a fucking curse
that dry my eyes
i wish i could breakdown and cry
but i can't
years and years of self inflicted torment
the torment that make you attracted to me
i yearn for a utter total breakdown
i am tired
i wanna just collapse
collapse and and breakdown and cry
perhaps even die
i have wept
yes i have before
but so rare
so rare that it barely surpasses
the number of finger on one hand

i hate my laptop
the mouse cursor hopes around
on its own accord
fucks up my already fucked up typing

i love her i do
and i just wanna love her even more
but i just keep fucking up
making her sad

i wanna cry
when you are sad
even when your tears are not for me
cause it breaks my heart
to see your tear fall

broken
is how i feel tonite
fuck i love alchohol
guess thats how i feel
drugs that fucking amplfies
a million times
the pain the torment
bring it on
let it fall
let the monkeys back it
the hauntings
let them come.

tonite sunday morn i shall fucking waste myself