of anniversaries, rememberance and simple fun.

went to visit Shelly's mum at columbarium today. it is not the first time i visited her, but this time was... * pardon me but i have to admit that i am emotionally undeveloped *... strange. as i arrived and stood before her, looking at her picture, a strange sense of loss overtook me, i felt sad (the kind that you know if you feel any sadder you would cry kind of sad), i do not know why such a emotion was felt, especially from a third party point of view, it is, i am ashamed to admit, alien to me. i felt sadness, perhaps because i feel that she should have been around, perhaps because Shelly misses her very much. i gain insights about her and her mum from various conversations with Shelly, perhaps i saw how a mother/ daughter/ friend relationship was abruptly cut off, and what could have been a beautiful relationship. The rain fell, pouring, as if weeping in pain for the loss.

i did the only thing that i know, i gave my darling a hug, i caught her tears, i felt a heartache for my darling dearest.

we adjourned to further down the road to visit her grandad's grave, we happened to park by the drain. as the rain water flowed the the drain, reminiscence of childhood memories long lost to me came back, i told Shelly how as a kid i would fold paper boats and let them down into the drain... chasing them as far as i could before it got lost in the storm drains.

she has never done that...

paper bags, torn, folded, boats galore for her and Damien, to see them excited. simple fun, silly smiles, joy, sometimes an elusive experience.

keep it coming lord, for we've been weeping for too long.