alcoholic no more

i guess i have to finally admit it. i can't drink no shit no more! gone are the days when a bottle to red per night ain't gonna to to jack shit to my "soberness". now all it takes is a quick beer, or, like for this morn's case, less than half a bottle of wine and i am approaching the level of "lost cause". i have this love hate relationship with alcohol. it is a form of release, and yet it makes me feel utterly crap. i guess i am a very inhibited person, in the sense that i do not display much emotions (though i always blame it on the fact that i am emotionally undeveloped). that might also explain the inability to cry. WHATEVER! who gives a flying fuck, either way the simple fact is that i cannot drink as much as i could anymore. just a tiny bit of alcohol and i am a goner. and alcohol is a depressant, and to me a "dehibitor" as well. i guess the fact that i am not an emotive person allows the effects to come into play. it AMPLIFIES what i feel within me, and through that i am given the liberty to discard my "right side", ie the logic, which i utterly hate but has kept me alive and sustained to this date. ok... now i have lost my point for this entry... fuck i hate alcohol.