solitude
i know the blog's meant to be left to rot, but tonite i just felt like writing. so type i shall....
beer, cigarettes and smokes, such lovely combo, lets thoughts free flow. music in background, blower's daughter on repeat.
within the span of a few months i have experienced more than my 26 years put together. confusion, pain, love, self hatred, struggle, change conflicts and whatever you name. and as i glance at my lovely wife asleep, that beautiful face, at innocent look that only happens once in a while, my heart just broke. the years, the emotional upheavals has taken their toll on her. she is broken, broken smile, broken wings, and at the point when she found hope in me, i had let her down. she loathes me, she wants to leave all these behind, all because of one major error that i've made, a mistake that i know i will be paying penance for the rest of my life.
blower's daughter is our song, for those reading my blog, whoever you are, wherever you are, read the lyrics, listen to the song and the emotions in it, and you will see the struggles of this relationship. i always equate it to the most beautiful thing in a store you have ever seen, and yet so fragile that you fear breaking it, never did i know that my walking away has already broken it. i wanna start all over again, but time runs in only one direction. there is no looking back for hurt caused, words, cruel words spoken in selfishness. for that, i detest myself. that mistake ranks as the greatest regret in my life.
she had a hard day, stuff she wanna get, but somehow it just did not happen due to bad planning, or lack of budget. she dropped something on my laptop and i gave her once of those stare that makes her scared. i hate how aggressive i can look.
flowers, surprises, what next? i want to keep her happy, i have never been such a retard in my life before, simple act to buying flowers was also screwed up. i need to reinvent myself, to make myself the man she needs. i love her, so much so it hurts, but i have never felt so alive. shelly, i love you.
beer, cigarettes and smokes, such lovely combo, lets thoughts free flow. music in background, blower's daughter on repeat.
within the span of a few months i have experienced more than my 26 years put together. confusion, pain, love, self hatred, struggle, change conflicts and whatever you name. and as i glance at my lovely wife asleep, that beautiful face, at innocent look that only happens once in a while, my heart just broke. the years, the emotional upheavals has taken their toll on her. she is broken, broken smile, broken wings, and at the point when she found hope in me, i had let her down. she loathes me, she wants to leave all these behind, all because of one major error that i've made, a mistake that i know i will be paying penance for the rest of my life.
blower's daughter is our song, for those reading my blog, whoever you are, wherever you are, read the lyrics, listen to the song and the emotions in it, and you will see the struggles of this relationship. i always equate it to the most beautiful thing in a store you have ever seen, and yet so fragile that you fear breaking it, never did i know that my walking away has already broken it. i wanna start all over again, but time runs in only one direction. there is no looking back for hurt caused, words, cruel words spoken in selfishness. for that, i detest myself. that mistake ranks as the greatest regret in my life.
she had a hard day, stuff she wanna get, but somehow it just did not happen due to bad planning, or lack of budget. she dropped something on my laptop and i gave her once of those stare that makes her scared. i hate how aggressive i can look.
flowers, surprises, what next? i want to keep her happy, i have never been such a retard in my life before, simple act to buying flowers was also screwed up. i need to reinvent myself, to make myself the man she needs. i love her, so much so it hurts, but i have never felt so alive. shelly, i love you.
posted by Pseudo_Sapien at 01:47
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