is a good day

much as happened over the past 36 hrs, from the time of waking up on saturday to the fuck ups of the anniversary celebration, till this time now, much thoughts has but shared between shelly and me. we went home after all the screw ups on sat night, i could have tried to sleep it away, but something in me refuse to give in. i did think of doing that, but it did not feel right. shelly was not in the right mood to sleep as well. ok, i have to admit it, i cannot recall what transposed between the two of us early in the morn (remind me my dear, was it you or me who proposed the walk?), but it was decided that we would take a stroll in the still of the night, from paya lebar to serangoon road to my old place. the walk on talk session was enjoyable, she spoke much about her past, we had a stop over at bendemeer road for prata before making the final leg back to my old place. a couple of hours were spent there, and we fell asleep. breakfast was at jln besar macdonalds, hash brown was a long over due craving that she had for a week and yet not have the opportunity to have. i wanted very much to go with her, and am very glad i did. another stroll was ensure as we decided on a morning movie, hitch, i did fall asleep at certain point of the show and that pissed her a little. talked about the movie and went off to tampines, more talking till dinner with her family, more talking on way home back to paya lebar.

i know that there are fault lines in this relationship, much that i cannot amend, but that does not mean i wanna give up on it. i scares me that i might lose her, but it is the kind of fear that i am willing to have, cause i love her. both of us do crave for a certain level of stability, i want to carry that feeling that i had today with me always, if i could change the world, i would wanna to start differently with her, and i would still wanna love her and embrace her, but alas, due to the mistakes of the past have scarred bad. i dun ever wanna give up, i would still try. today is a glimpse of what it should have been, and i still believe that it is achievable. i need to look for the me a couple of years back, to put in more effort into this relationship. i love shelly, i really do, remove her from my life and you remove a part of me. i dun wanna to make her cry or angry, i just want to be the man she needs me to be, i want to grant her an save haven...shelly i want to let you know that i will never leave you, i know that the relationship is in turmoil now, but please dun give up on us. the feelings today was what i have sought for the longest time, just being with you. laughing crying and all.

there are still issues that needs ironing out, and new ones would appear, i dun know how this would affect the relationship, but i hoping very hard we would be strong enough to conquer.